I wrote this essay in 2015. As I walk around the spiral, I see that I have come to a place that seems similar to this one again…a place of vulnerability and looking at the things that I need to nourish and heal in my life and my work. I feel less afraid than I used to. I am grateful for that.
I also feel a sense of urgency in my life to express what is within me to make the world a better place. There are things happening now in our country that are so troubling. I see that hiding and being small doesn’t serve what is possible
to create a better world. And so I open my heart and womb to look inside and to expand and to heal.
Summer Solstice Blessings!
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter into another.”—Anatole France
I have had to make some big changes in my life in the last couple of years. I have been growing, in myself and also in my business. I will be honest with you and tell you that it has been difficult at times. I have fought it tooth and nail. Well, I think I would describe it as my ego fighting back against my soul wishing to grow.
I have learned to pray.
I have learned to quiet my mind so that I can hear the voice of intuition.
I have learned to give up being the owner of my business and give it over to the source of all. It isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to the wind and the rain, the plants and the earth.
Because of this change, sometimes I feel incredibly anxious and even feel terrified.
What happens if I put myself out there and nobody notices, nobody signs up, nobody cares. How will I make enough money to survive being a wild woman, shamanic herbalist, spiritual teacher.
These parts of myself that doubt, that question and think that I will fail…They must die and I feel like I may be left with nothing then.
This is where the help and support comes in. There are people out there that I call upon for teachings, for coaching, for mentoring and for wisdom when I just can’t seem to get my mind on right. These wonderful people are supporting me and see what I have created so far and that I am continuing to create more and more ways for people to connect, love, heal, and see possibility in their lives.
And I call upon my wisdom teachers, the plants, to show me a deeper, more expanded version of myself.
I am learning to be vulnerable. I am learning to see what is really going on with me.
First, I think that what is really going on is so much emotion…..fear, anxiety, sadness…and then I look deeper and see that what is really going on is my aliveness wishing to emerge from underneath this emotion.
I felt drawn to share this with you today because I want you to know that even though it may seem difficult to find your center in your work and in your life at times, that there is wisdom and insight right there waiting to reveal itself to you. Sometimes it just takes a helper to show you the path to it.
It takes courage to ask for help. If we are to do what is fully ours to do, we must have help.
May it be in Beauty.